The Candy Shop
I'm sure many of you have heard Fifty cent's song entitled "The Candy Shop". While the lyrics to the song are overtly sexual, the video concept shows a very muscled (and phoine)Fifty Cent walking through a mansion with dozens of beautiful girls lounging in various nooks and crannies of the home waiting to cater to him. The Candy Shop being the house or place where one can find many different types of sweets or candy (i.e. beautiful women) to satisfy one's cravings.
When I saw the video for the first time, after salivating over my guilty pleasure Fifty (and yes I know he represents the definitive bad boy/thug that conscientious self-respecting AA sistahs like myself should be riling against....but all that aside..the man is phione), I recalled a conversation I had with some single girlfriends of mine lamenting over the fact that they could not find a good man. As black women we have been told for ages that there is a "good black man shortage" and that we are lucky to happen upon a decent man these days. On the flip side there is a overflux of beautiful, professional African American women aggressively battling over these handful of good brothers, or so we are lead to believe. In any case my single friends and I discussed how there were always an endless supply of beautiful, beautifuller and beautifullest girls on hand whenever we went out to mingle, and that's not to say that we didn't place ourselves in one of those three categories, but the "competition" is often overwhelming. I shared with them my belief that women were created to be pleasing to the eye, while men were built to protect and provide. (Not to take anything away from the beauty of Mr. Denzel Washington, Tyson Beckford or my man Fifty, but compared to the female overall physique, men are built to protect. Women on the other hand were created to please men, who we all know are visual creatures.
Our conversation continued and we debated over what it was about a woman that attracted a man when there were so many at minimum equally attractive opportunities in an environment like a nightclub or college party. It occurred to me that for a man, a club, especially a club in a city like Atlanta, must be much like going into a candy shop chockful of sweet, colorful treats. While I am not certain what prompts a man to choose one piece of candy over the next, I do know that candy, while pleasing to the eye, lacks substance after devouring one piece of candy....it's not uncommon to want another, and another and another. As a sweets addict I also understand that while I enjoy a piece of caramel, on any given day I could also go for a piece of laffy taffy or a pack of Sugar Babies. They are all sweet, and all three types regardless of their differences, satisfy a temporary craving. Once the craving is satisfied the relationship with the candy is over, until I happen to get another craving or some candy is placed infront of my face.
When I uttered the last staple of my theory, my girlfriends looked at me with wide eyes and opened mouths. That is deep, one of them said in awe, and after I took a moment to process what I said, my eyes widened along with hers and a chill ran down my spine. Could it be that I had just uncovered every woman's dilemma about why a man they enjoyed a romantic experience with once hadn't called the next day, or any days thereafter? We pulled the theory apart and found more correlations between the two such as the way candy is attractively packaged, etc. etc. Later on I shared the theory with my husband/then fiance who laughed at the fact that females spend so much time creating and proving theories about men, but then reluctantly agreed there was some truth to our findings.
I thought about my Candy Shop theory last night while out at a popular nightclub in Atlanta, trying to talk business with a very distracted club promoter. Several model troupes paraded by as I tried to engage him in conversation about an upcoming event. Beautiful girls in all shades under the rainbow switched past him and his eyes hungrily took in each one. I smiled to myself as I watched him equally appreciate every girl, just like I would in a candy store with caramel, chocolate covered cherries and banana laffy taffy. Just as one of his friends would exclaim over one girl the next would get an equal to or even greater reaction. So with all that said, where does that leave us as women?
First of all we have to know that we are much more than pieces of temporary enjoyment, candy. If we realize this, then we understand that our true value lies not in our beauty which is surface and temporary at best, but in those character traits within us that define who we are. Many of us draw confidence from our outward appearance or the fact that we are able to draw compliments from the opposite sex. I would say to those women that compliments on your physical appearance are one-dimensional and are not exclusive. If you ask any man how many women he finds beautiful, I guarantee you he will not be able to give you a rational number. Men find beauty everywhere as God created women to be visually pleasing. While beauty cannot be yours exclusively the inner talents that God has blessed you with belong to you and you alone. In the end those are the attributes that will attract people to you for life. A God-fearing woman, with a caring heart, warm personality and strong sense of self is a woman a man will value long-term and will win his heart as opposed to the beauty that offers a sweet moment on his lips that will no doubt soon be forgotten.
Smooches,
Christal
When I saw the video for the first time, after salivating over my guilty pleasure Fifty (and yes I know he represents the definitive bad boy/thug that conscientious self-respecting AA sistahs like myself should be riling against....but all that aside..the man is phione), I recalled a conversation I had with some single girlfriends of mine lamenting over the fact that they could not find a good man. As black women we have been told for ages that there is a "good black man shortage" and that we are lucky to happen upon a decent man these days. On the flip side there is a overflux of beautiful, professional African American women aggressively battling over these handful of good brothers, or so we are lead to believe. In any case my single friends and I discussed how there were always an endless supply of beautiful, beautifuller and beautifullest girls on hand whenever we went out to mingle, and that's not to say that we didn't place ourselves in one of those three categories, but the "competition" is often overwhelming. I shared with them my belief that women were created to be pleasing to the eye, while men were built to protect and provide. (Not to take anything away from the beauty of Mr. Denzel Washington, Tyson Beckford or my man Fifty, but compared to the female overall physique, men are built to protect. Women on the other hand were created to please men, who we all know are visual creatures.
Our conversation continued and we debated over what it was about a woman that attracted a man when there were so many at minimum equally attractive opportunities in an environment like a nightclub or college party. It occurred to me that for a man, a club, especially a club in a city like Atlanta, must be much like going into a candy shop chockful of sweet, colorful treats. While I am not certain what prompts a man to choose one piece of candy over the next, I do know that candy, while pleasing to the eye, lacks substance after devouring one piece of candy....it's not uncommon to want another, and another and another. As a sweets addict I also understand that while I enjoy a piece of caramel, on any given day I could also go for a piece of laffy taffy or a pack of Sugar Babies. They are all sweet, and all three types regardless of their differences, satisfy a temporary craving. Once the craving is satisfied the relationship with the candy is over, until I happen to get another craving or some candy is placed infront of my face.
When I uttered the last staple of my theory, my girlfriends looked at me with wide eyes and opened mouths. That is deep, one of them said in awe, and after I took a moment to process what I said, my eyes widened along with hers and a chill ran down my spine. Could it be that I had just uncovered every woman's dilemma about why a man they enjoyed a romantic experience with once hadn't called the next day, or any days thereafter? We pulled the theory apart and found more correlations between the two such as the way candy is attractively packaged, etc. etc. Later on I shared the theory with my husband/then fiance who laughed at the fact that females spend so much time creating and proving theories about men, but then reluctantly agreed there was some truth to our findings.
I thought about my Candy Shop theory last night while out at a popular nightclub in Atlanta, trying to talk business with a very distracted club promoter. Several model troupes paraded by as I tried to engage him in conversation about an upcoming event. Beautiful girls in all shades under the rainbow switched past him and his eyes hungrily took in each one. I smiled to myself as I watched him equally appreciate every girl, just like I would in a candy store with caramel, chocolate covered cherries and banana laffy taffy. Just as one of his friends would exclaim over one girl the next would get an equal to or even greater reaction. So with all that said, where does that leave us as women?
First of all we have to know that we are much more than pieces of temporary enjoyment, candy. If we realize this, then we understand that our true value lies not in our beauty which is surface and temporary at best, but in those character traits within us that define who we are. Many of us draw confidence from our outward appearance or the fact that we are able to draw compliments from the opposite sex. I would say to those women that compliments on your physical appearance are one-dimensional and are not exclusive. If you ask any man how many women he finds beautiful, I guarantee you he will not be able to give you a rational number. Men find beauty everywhere as God created women to be visually pleasing. While beauty cannot be yours exclusively the inner talents that God has blessed you with belong to you and you alone. In the end those are the attributes that will attract people to you for life. A God-fearing woman, with a caring heart, warm personality and strong sense of self is a woman a man will value long-term and will win his heart as opposed to the beauty that offers a sweet moment on his lips that will no doubt soon be forgotten.
Smooches,
Christal
posted by Christal Jordan-Mims | 7:30 AM
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